Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between.

And somehow the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life ― and sum it up perfectly in no more than 280 characters.

Every other week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the previous 14 days. Read on for 24 new, relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.

my husband was trying to talk about Shrek but he couldn’t remember Shrek’s name (Shrek) so he called him “summertime grinch”

My husband offered to carry my umbrella, which I thought was very sweet, until I realized it was actually just to make sure his takeout food didn’t get wet in the rain. Respect ✊?

I wish I knew what my wife’s hands are made of. I picked up washing dishes where she left off and scalded the hell outta my hands.

Me: Babe, out of my purse can you bring me my… *Husband brings entire purse*

somebody snapped at my husband on the phone and i heard him go "whoah, you sound upset!" "should we take some time and talk about this later?" "we okay now?" truly do not recommend testing anyone who's spent the entire pandemic parenting a toddler full-time

Every marriage has one person who reports whenever a celebrity dies and one person who says “oh.”

Y’all I just found my husband outside changing a lightbulb by standing on a folding chair on top of a folding table SOS

Since I work from home my husband likes to randomly make Alexa blast Dolly Parton’s “I Will Always Love You” throughout the house. And that was fun to explain to a judge this week during my zoom hearing.

my husband bought me flowers and I found a vase, cut the stems, arranged them, protected them from children, cleaned up the fallen leaves, threw them away when they died, and washed the vase

i wish i loved anything as much as my husband loves asking me questions about movies he’s watching that i’ve never seen before

Not even mad anymore when straight people are like “oh my god my cousin’s dentist is gay, do you know them??” Because yes, I do. We’re watching House Hunters and I was like “Aw this episode has lesbians” and my wife looked up at the TV and said “I went to Canada with her once.”

Wife’s working from the same room, so I’m trying really hard to act busy and seem important on work calls

last night I dreamt my husband and I were having a series of threesomes and I was woke up and told him I was mad and he was like “why, was I paying more attention to the thirds” and I had to tell him it was because he kept offering the thirds a snack

“I saw the neighbor cleaning out his gutters.” ~How I get my husband to clean out the gutters

Sometimes being married means being in trouble for not responding to a text she never sent.

Why is it that every time I’m craving chips all I can find from the variety pack is Fritos and Cool Ranch Doritos!? My wife ?‍♀️??

My wife just screamed, “YOU’RE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME, ARE YOU?!” What a weird way to start a conversation.

Dating: I’m not wearing any panties, baby. Married: I’m not wearing any panties because you forgot to do the laundry again.

So now my husband has started throwing away my underwear just because “it has holes in it you’ve had these for 20 years for the love of god do you have no standards”

wife bought vegan bird food and gentrified our backyard

My wife still brings up that one time in 2015 I complained of her loud noises disturbing my sleep while she was in labor

my husband says the only people who say “hem-hawing around” other than me are old farmers…

My wife is away for the weekend and I’m going to party* so hard *work on my sapphic Coyote Ugly book and actually fold the clean laundry

I’m an introvert, whereas my husband wants to become friends with someone because they drive the same car as us.